For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
