she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
