mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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