Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
