I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
