I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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