There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
