Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
