Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
