And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
