This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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