You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
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Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
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