U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
