You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
