She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
