DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
