Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
