he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
