Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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