I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
