your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
