My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
