Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
