just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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