I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Can Purell be used as lube?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Randomize
