First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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