We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
