The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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