so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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