im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm too high and old for this...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
