she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
