Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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