Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
