im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
