bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
