my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
