So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The Olympian is in my bed
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