How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
