We won't sleep together?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
