it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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