dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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