fuck your aforementioned shoe
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
