used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
