your parents love me but you hate me
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
