Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
