I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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