I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
