i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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