I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
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