somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
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You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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