I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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