And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
