Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Randomize
