The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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