DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
