i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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