I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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