Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
