I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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