Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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