You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
