Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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