hotel room ftw
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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