Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
