Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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