were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
