My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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