wakey wakey hands off snakey
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
