Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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