zippers are such a cool invention
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
