I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
