well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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