Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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