He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize