butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
