Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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