Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
