Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
