she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Randomize
