He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
