Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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