dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
