We won't sleep together?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
