I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
